It's probably beautiful

Due to the nature of my work and my current situation, I want to explain motivations for my decisions as best I can. After learning I m one of those individuals that have cancer as a probable inevitability in my future, and in the aftermath of this past year, I ve been left feeling sort of like I m in a lucid dream all the time. I struggled with comprehension, depression and apathy a lot this year. It was and still is a challenge to do simple tasks like mapping out the press bed for projects, measuring, making decisions, and retaining knowledge. Late this summer I was informed that cognitive impairment during and following chemotherapy is normal. It s a relief to know why (not knowing last year led to a lot of self-doubt) and that it s normal, but the timing could obviously be better.

Back to the shorter lifespan, I know anyone could die at any time. That said, this still feels significant and is influencing my decisions about leaving this program with concrete, finished editions I care about. I want to be challenging, but realistic to where I am now, which is why I am dialing back on complicated structural concepts and putting a focus on finishing projects and making editions, both current and new.